I am feeling some unexpected emotions that have caught me off guard. I have written my last rental check at the apartment and as exciting as that is financially, it is a milestone that I never really gave much thought to. My lease is up on March 31st at which time I must turn in my key and no longer be a resident. I have spent the last 4 months unloading my belongings. At Christmas time, my "gift" to my children were things that I owned that they expressed interest in having and things that I just thought they could use. It caused some laughter and joking about Mom being "cheap", but I think they were appreciative. Now I have only an air mattress and a few things that must still be distributed. Which brings me to these emotions.
I have ALWAYS had a place of my own. As a child my parents provided a home, then my husband and after he passed I owned our family home and then rented a couple of apartments. Now, however, I have put all of my confidence in God providing for my needs. I would like to be able to declare "God will provide all of my needs" with Christian confidence. Although intellectually I do believe that, emotionally I am feeling insecure and a bit scared. Does this make me less faithful? I think not, I think it makes me human and a good place for God to put his arm around me and show his care for me. Nonetheless it is a new and unfamiliar feeling. My first instinct is to make a back up plan, but I am resisting, instead choosing the path of trusting in the midst of insecurity.
This is it. There is no Back-up plan. My entire life is wrapped up in "one day at a time". So today I have an amazing place to live, an amazing mission and wonderful people in my life that just 6 months ago I didn't even know. Each morning I wake up, open my curtains and stand in awe of His provision.
All I can say is " Thank you God, may all that I say, do and think today honor you"
AMEN
